Holy re-entry stress, Batman!

Reading over this post, I realized it sounds awful whine-y and complain-y.  But I'm leaving it because, not only is it simple honesty, I want others to understand that as adventurous and wonderful as the life of a missionary really is, it also comes with plenty of hard days.  It would be dishonest and unfair to only portray the good stuff.  In the end, you'll see I'm better now and feeling far less like a petulant two year old.  But it's a process...

You know when you have so much to say that you can't say anything at all?

Yeah.

We arrived back into Indonesia about 8 or 9 days ago and it has been pretty much chaos ever since. We were welcomed back so well by our team here and we feel so blessed by the friendships and people here as we pick back up where we left off.  We spent several days getting our house in order and it feels just like home again.  There have been long, hard days, fun parties, lots of laughter, and fun moments of joy as we get back into our routine here.  It has been crazy.  I don't even know where to begin other than to say 1)we're grateful to be back and 2)it's hard to be back.

On a scale of 1 to 10 of difficult transitions in my life, this one definitely ranks a 9.9.  And it isn't because anything unusual has gone wrong.  It's just that, well, I forgot. I forgot how hard saying good-bye to loved ones is.  I forgot what a long trip it is to the other side of the world.  I forgot how bad jet lag can be, especially if you have a bad head cold. I forgot how hot it is here and I forgot how much the heat drains everything out of me, leaving me a puddle by noon.  I forgot how hard it is to live here.  I forgot how crazy driving here can be and how narrow the streets are.  I forgot that it takes several trips to different grocery stores to get everything you need.  I forgot how much it takes to get a meal together and how much I hate cooking while sweating.  I forgot that homeschooling is also hard work and that I was adding a new student which doubled my workload somehow. I forgot how ugly smoke season is and how not seeing the sun or blue sky for days on end is far less enjoyable when it is due to smoke rather than lots of rain.

And somehow, between Sunday and Monday I forgot about grace.  I forgot that it's okay to breathe, that our workload is huge, that re-adjusting takes lots of time.  I forgot that I don't need to freak out!  God totally convicted me of this last night and I repented of being irritable and irrational. (Have you read this article? Ouch.)

You know what?  Today is still yucky.  It's still hot and it's still smokey and it's still hard.  I broke into tears this morning when I found maggots on the trash bag that had been set aside the day before to take to the dump and then forgotten. But there was Grace and it was sufficient.  Our school day went better, the entire atmosphere of our home is better.  All it took was a simple turning to God, a simple inhaling of Grace and an exhaling of unrealistic expectations. It took a decision to not allow the trials and imperfections of life overcome my joy.

Lord, I forget.  And then I remember that You are sufficient.  You are all I need and bad days can still be good days.  You are the Grace that I need for today and You are more than enough.