Oh, hello.
You know it's bad when you see people you haven't seen in four years and all they have to say to you is, "You haven't blogged in a very long time!"
Okay, yes, I've been a little quiet on this space these past few months.
To tell the truth, furlough has been a bit of a roller coaster for me, and I'm still trying to find my bearings here in the land of plenty. America, you are way too much for me. Truly, I still have panic attacks every time I walk into a store. I want it ALL - because it is there to buy. And then, I realize, I don't need that - it doesn't fit into a suitcase...or, I'd be sweating buckets if I wore that in Indonesia....or, maybe bowls made out of bacon aren't exactly the best use of my money. Or are they?
Can I tell you how much I am loving waking up in my parents' house every morning, hearing my kids teasing my Dad or my Mom reading a book to them in her little library? I can't get over the fact that we are here, that we didn't miss a family reunion this year like we have so many years before. I can't get over the idea that my kids are getting to spend time with both sets of grandparents - so much so that Sean and I are getting some pretty nice and frequent date nights! I am loving the fact that my girls get to spend time with their aunts and uncles and their cousin Audrey; that we get to go to church and enjoy an English worship service; that we can get free two-day shipping from Amazon; that I can get laundry done in just a couple of hours; that Brooklyn and Madison can take piano lessons while I take Paige to the park to play.
And after piano lessons? Be still my heart. We go to the public library. I cried the first time I went in there. A library! (And not just any library, either, but the same library I went to as a kid with it's creaky stairs and quiet basement full of kid's books and comfy chairs.)
These are things that are just plain amazing. And we're loving it! We can go to National Parks! We can help raise chickens...that don't resemble vultures! We can see family and friends we've missed these past four years! And this is really important...I can fix my hair just how I want it. ;-)
Awesome.
But the other side of the coin is that we miss "home" in Indonesia. This missionary life is just so weird. I have been dying to get back to Colorado for years - and here I am, pining away for Borneo. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving the break from the heat and the work of living in a third world country. And I'm relishing these precious moments with loved ones. But our real life is back in Indonesia, now. It's been eye-opening to realize just how much we miss that place and the people there. It is a gift from God, really, that Indonesia has so completely wormed its way into our hearts.
It's a unique and special thing, this international life. It isn't something I can adequately describe - how I never quite feel at home anywhere in the world anymore, while at the same time....I am able to feel quite at home anywhere in the world!
Yeah, it's not easy to explain.
We're homeless and yet, we have multiple homes. I sorta flip out whenever somebody asks me where I'm from. Well, I'm from here...but I don't live here...I live over there...but I'm actually just from here...my address is here...except that I don't actually live here...except that right now I do actually live here...ummmm.... It's both pathetic and comical. I usually try to just answer in the quickest way possible - which doesn't feel at all honest. But I've learned the hard way that most people, when they ask where you are from, don't expect a five-minute diatribe. They're just making polite conversation, for Pete's sake. Once their eyes start to glaze over, it's probably time to just politely answer, "I'm from...around."
Regardless of the confusion whenever we are asked what should be a simple question, the emotional ups and downs, the costs we count (over and over), and the constant feeling of not being home while still feeling very much at home....we love our life! It's a good one!
Oh, and Sean has also been posting some photos from our first two months of furlough. Be sure to go check out his blog, if you haven't already!
Okay, yes, I've been a little quiet on this space these past few months.
To tell the truth, furlough has been a bit of a roller coaster for me, and I'm still trying to find my bearings here in the land of plenty. America, you are way too much for me. Truly, I still have panic attacks every time I walk into a store. I want it ALL - because it is there to buy. And then, I realize, I don't need that - it doesn't fit into a suitcase...or, I'd be sweating buckets if I wore that in Indonesia....or, maybe bowls made out of bacon aren't exactly the best use of my money. Or are they?
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| Building a snow man with cousin Audrey (February 2014) |
Can I tell you how much I am loving waking up in my parents' house every morning, hearing my kids teasing my Dad or my Mom reading a book to them in her little library? I can't get over the fact that we are here, that we didn't miss a family reunion this year like we have so many years before. I can't get over the idea that my kids are getting to spend time with both sets of grandparents - so much so that Sean and I are getting some pretty nice and frequent date nights! I am loving the fact that my girls get to spend time with their aunts and uncles and their cousin Audrey; that we get to go to church and enjoy an English worship service; that we can get free two-day shipping from Amazon; that I can get laundry done in just a couple of hours; that Brooklyn and Madison can take piano lessons while I take Paige to the park to play.
 |
| Playing at the park while the big sisters are at piano lessons. |
 |
| Date night....woo-hoo! |
These are things that are just plain amazing. And we're loving it! We can go to National Parks! We can help raise chickens...that don't resemble vultures! We can see family and friends we've missed these past four years! And this is really important...I can fix my hair just how I want it. ;-)
 |
| The chickens are getting big! |
Awesome.
 |
| On the way back to Colorado after a visit to see lots of family and friends in Eastern Kansas, we stopped at Fort Larned and spent THREE hours exploring the fort. It was SO cool - we all enjoyed seeing how people lived back then. |
It's a unique and special thing, this international life. It isn't something I can adequately describe - how I never quite feel at home anywhere in the world anymore, while at the same time....I am able to feel quite at home anywhere in the world!
Yeah, it's not easy to explain.
We're homeless and yet, we have multiple homes. I sorta flip out whenever somebody asks me where I'm from. Well, I'm from here...but I don't live here...I live over there...but I'm actually just from here...my address is here...except that I don't actually live here...except that right now I do actually live here...ummmm.... It's both pathetic and comical. I usually try to just answer in the quickest way possible - which doesn't feel at all honest. But I've learned the hard way that most people, when they ask where you are from, don't expect a five-minute diatribe. They're just making polite conversation, for Pete's sake. Once their eyes start to glaze over, it's probably time to just politely answer, "I'm from...around."
Regardless of the confusion whenever we are asked what should be a simple question, the emotional ups and downs, the costs we count (over and over), and the constant feeling of not being home while still feeling very much at home....we love our life! It's a good one!
Oh, and Sean has also been posting some photos from our first two months of furlough. Be sure to go check out his blog, if you haven't already!
The feeling of not being home, while still feeling very much at home... almost as if we were made for another home! Should we all feel this way about "home" here on earth.
ReplyDeleteI love this post, Rebecca. We know Sean (my husband Tyler knows him from Ecuador and I met him in Spokane). We're preparing to leave for Indo in a few months. I feel like I read so many posts about how hard it is to live this life and coming home for furlough just makes you never want to go back (which maybe feels true for some of the time), but I appreciated your honesty about loving being here and missing Indonesia as well. I need that positive encouragement that yes, it is hard, but yes, it is good to be over there too. I'm not sure I said that very well, but just wanted to say that I appreciate your thoughts, so thanks!
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