Attack of the Man-eating Spider

The stories just keep coming!

You know how hard Monday mornings are. You don't feel like moving. You want to sleep in. You move like your feet are made of lead. You can't wake up. Your routine starts slow, with eyes at half-mast.

I have found the cure for you. Giant, man-eating spiders hiding in your toilet paper!

I was pulling out a fresh roll of toilet paper when a HUUUUUGGGGE spider jumped out at me, landed on my hand, and then scurried down my leg.

I screamed like a banshee who just saw a ghost.

Sean heard me on the other side of the house and came running to check on me and was banging on the bathroom door, "Was that you screaming?" he asked. (I told you I screamed rather freakishly, he wasn't even sure it was me!)

"I'm fine," I said sheepishly. "A spider was in the toilet paper. I don't know where it went."

I went ahead and got in the shower, peeking around the whole time, looking for the now-missing spider. I was starting to think that it had been a figment of my barely-awake imagination when all of a sudden, he reappeared on the wall above me. I kind of shooed him away, but I swear that spider kept coming after me.

I cut my shower short.

Then Sean got in the shower. I was in our bedroom when I heard him let out a squeal/shout. He begged me for a flip-flop or a shoe or something to kill the spider with. He'd taken his eye off of it for one second and turned around to find the spider inside the shower, right behind him! (Tell me that is not freaky.) Once I handed him a shoe, he turned around to smack the spider and found that it had come out of the shower at him.

Don't think any man ever smacked a spider so hard - not to mention a naked man with shampoo still in his hair! My bathroom looked like a grisly murder scene with spider parts all over the floor and spider guts all over the walls. I didn't care - I've never been so happy to see a spider die.

Humans 1, Ridiculously Aggressive Spider 0

Ha!