My Broken Heart
How do you like that dramatic title? Well, I can't help it. I am sad and brokenhearted. Sure, I know it's really nothing to cry over, but....
Okay, so here's the deal. Paige spent last night in her own room for the first time.
Oh, it hurts to even type that. I've been struggling with the idea of relegating Paige to her own room for a few weeks now. She's been ready. She sleeps through the night just fine. Our room is crowded enough as it is without the crib in there too. And, I guess it was just time.
I've never been this emotional when the time came to put my baby into her own room. With the other two I was excited to have my room back. Good grief, her room isn't that far away anyway! But it breaks my heart nonetheless.
And I know why.
We're about 99% sure we're done having babies. Our home feels FULL, and for the first time I can honestly say that I really don't feel capable of adding one more child to this mix. We don't feel the need to try again for a boy either. We're perfectly content with our little girls - God has entrusted them to our care and we love them like crazy. Sure, a little boy would be fun! That doesn't mean we need to keep trying until we get one - something tells me we'd just end up with ten girls! If God saw fit to bless us unexpectedly, that is fine. And, we're actually open to the idea of adoption someday. But honestly, our family does feel complete right now.
Knowing that each "first" for Paige is a "last" for me, makes it difficult to allow her to grow up. She did great last night. I, however, did not sleep well.
On a more positive note, I was actually able to make my bed this morning without the pack'n'play getting in the way! And our room looks so spacious and nice again.
I'm trying to look at the bright side to the fact that I kicked my blessed baby out of my room for no good reason.
Okay, so here's the deal. Paige spent last night in her own room for the first time.
Oh, it hurts to even type that. I've been struggling with the idea of relegating Paige to her own room for a few weeks now. She's been ready. She sleeps through the night just fine. Our room is crowded enough as it is without the crib in there too. And, I guess it was just time.
I've never been this emotional when the time came to put my baby into her own room. With the other two I was excited to have my room back. Good grief, her room isn't that far away anyway! But it breaks my heart nonetheless.
And I know why.
We're about 99% sure we're done having babies. Our home feels FULL, and for the first time I can honestly say that I really don't feel capable of adding one more child to this mix. We don't feel the need to try again for a boy either. We're perfectly content with our little girls - God has entrusted them to our care and we love them like crazy. Sure, a little boy would be fun! That doesn't mean we need to keep trying until we get one - something tells me we'd just end up with ten girls! If God saw fit to bless us unexpectedly, that is fine. And, we're actually open to the idea of adoption someday. But honestly, our family does feel complete right now.
Knowing that each "first" for Paige is a "last" for me, makes it difficult to allow her to grow up. She did great last night. I, however, did not sleep well.
On a more positive note, I was actually able to make my bed this morning without the pack'n'play getting in the way! And our room looks so spacious and nice again.
I'm trying to look at the bright side to the fact that I kicked my blessed baby out of my room for no good reason.
You make me smile and feel less crazy :) I have 5 and have been crying since she got here thinking "this is it." Now after Graham I figured we were done because,"Who in their right mind has 5 kids" and I cried and tried to hold onto every moment. When he turned one I was a mess. It's silly really but it's still very real. Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone :)
ReplyDelete