Joy

The picture above is a Waorani (Auca) Christian in Tiwaeno, Ecuador. These people are full of joy. In the middle of the jungle, laughter rings out, people joke and tease, and God is praised.

All that joy? It's about Jesus. They understand His love, His sacrifice for them, His forgiveness. They trust His love. They bask in it. They know they don't deserve it. God's love isn't for sale. You can't trade for it. You can't barter your way into His love. You just get it - whether you want it or not.

Since returning to the States I've suffered from what my mom has dubbed the "missionary complex." That is, I have a very hard time accepting the blessings of life in America. I see all my nice, new stuff and I feel extreme guilt. I don't deserve this. I'm not "suffering for Jesus," no longer serving as a foreign missionary.

I really hate admitting this but....every blessing we've had up to this point made sense to me. In my pride, I knew I was doing something "good" and I could kinda see why God blessed us. I actually believed we deserved - that we had earned - the blessings we enjoyed in our life overseas.

Ewwww.

I know. Terrible attitude. And very wrong.

Now, I feel very undeserving of what we have. The house. The dog. The yard. The belongings. The good health. The cars. The loving family nearby. Everything. I'm wondering what the price will be. Wondering when the other shoe is going to fall. When does the "suffering" begin? When do I begin to pay my dues for all this good stuff?

Wow.

I've seen God's blessing and favor as a reward for good behavior - as something I could earn.

What am I doing now to deserve all this?

So, while I've been cautiously accepting God's many gifts since we've come home to the U.S., I've been full of fear, assuming there will be some terrible cost to all this. I'm not trusting His love.

That same love I left the country to pronounce is something I am only just now truly beginning to understand now that I'm back.

What I understand is that God's love can't be understood. God's love is His gift. I struggle understanding how I deserve material blessings - and I'm suddenly realizing that, if I don't deserve the material stuff, then I surely do not deserve His blood, His forgivenss for my sin, eternal life in Him.

Suddenly, and for the first time in my years as a Believer, I understand Christ's sacrifice in a new light. I don't deserve His love. Can't earn it. But I have it, just the same. And He desires that I simply accept His lavish love. He wants me to trust His love.

And He wants me to bask in it.

The joy I saw in Tiwaeno is the joy of knowing that you are completely loved no matter where you've been or what you've done - good or bad. That, my friends, is joy - basking in the knowledge that you are loved unconditionally. There is no fear of paybacks. Your life can go on and you can make mistakes and you can do all the good you want to but His love remains the same. There will be blessings, there will be hardships, life will happen - but He loves you through it all. Bask in that love, be full of joy!

Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave nor will you let you Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
-- Psalm 16:5-11 NIV

Same passage with a different twist that grabbed my attention:

My choice is you, God, first and only. And now I find I'm your choice! You set me up with a house and yard, and then you made me your heir! The wise counsel God gives when I'm awake is confirmed by my sleeping heart. Day and night I'll stick with God; I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go. I'm happy from the inside out, and from the outside in I'm firmly formed. You cancelled my ticket to hell - that's not my destination! Now you've got my feet on the life path, all radiant from the shining of your face. Ever since you took my hand, I'm on the right way.
-- Psalm 16:5-11 The Message