Crazy Monkey

Yesterday, as we were gathering up the girls to go eat dinner with some friends of ours, I heard some of the neighbor kids hollering for us at the gate. Usually, they are asking for lemons from our tree - which we almost always give them - but it was a hectic time and I was all set to tell them to come back later. As I opened the door they surprised me by saying "Quick, get that monkey!" Still trying to register their strange request, I let my eyes follow the pointing fingers to a spot only a few inches from my feet. There, sitting in Brooklyn's muddy pink sandal was a rat-sized ball of brown fur looking up at me with two tiny, human-like, beady eyes. Upon seeing the quivering little creature, I promptly let out a yelp-slash-scream and danced the heebie-jeebie dance. The baby monkey was surely more scared than I was, but I wasn't about to pick up a startled monkey with my bare hand. No way, no how.

I've got past experience with this kind of monkey (a sub-species of amazonian marmoset) and I have to say - they can stay out in the jungle as far as I'm concerned. Never mind that I live in the jungle, I mean those little critters can stay out there in the jungle jungle. Far away from me, with every other species of monkey. I don't really like monkeys. They are creepy and evil. They bite and urninate and defecate and do all sorts of gross things with the products of their urination and defecation. There is something so eerily human about them that their animal-like behavior is most disconcerting to me. They look like they should know better. They are mean little buggers with bad manners. I don't care for monkeys.

Back to the story. As soon as I got my wits about me, I hurried to the gate to let all the kids in to chase their own darn monkey. I was so nervous that I fumbled around a while trying to open the gate, and the kids could see I was obviously very flustered. I was breaking out in a cold sweat for goodness sake. They thought it was hilarious that the missionary lady was all flustered over a silly little monkey. I felt a tiny bit foolish. A tiny bit. But I soon realized these kids were just as afraid of the monkey as I was. They were chasing the thing all over our front yard - over the porch, through the planters, and under the car. Each time one of them would be within reach to grab the thing, they'd do their own Latin version of the heebie-jeebie dance and let it get away. I was this close to letting Maya out. She would have taken care of things in a matter of seconds.

Sean had been in the shower and I hollered out to him to come catch the monkey. I heard him say "WHAT?!?!?" before I slammed the door shut as the monkey frantically ran toward the safe haven of our home. (If it had gone inside the house, it would only have come out dead - I promise you that.) By now Brooklyn and her friend, Olivia, were outside on the porch watching the whole thing with wide eyes. Brooklyn, in her typical animal-loving fashion, was peering under the car at the little guy saying "Oh, how cute!" Olivia was echoing my own fears asking, "That monkey doesn't know how to come up on the porch does it?" I didn't have the heart to tell her that she was standing in the exact spot I'd first seen the creature so I quickly ushered the little girls back inside to watch the action with their noses pressed against the window glass.

Finally, one boy had the nerve to grab the monkey and he was rewarded with several bites on his hand while the monkey shrieked and squealed. Did anybody offer to help him? Nope. A mad monkey is one of those things you just learn to stay away from - especially when you see him making mincemeat of your friend's hand.

Sean got out his camera and, once things were settled down, took some pictures of the monkey where the kids were congregating across the street. Two minutes later, the monkey startled the little girl and she loosened her death grip for a split second - which was all he needed. The monkey went screaming straight into our neighbor's house. Glad it wasn't my house. Lucky for the monkey it wasn't my house.

Yeah, he looks cute now...