Trust Issues
Sometimes it just really wears me out being a Mom. Something happened today that scared the living daylights out of me. Everything is fine and everybody is fine...but only by the grace of God! Today, Brooklyn had me so scared I was sobbing for a couple of hours. These emotions are not new to me but they grow stronger as each day goes by. What's my consolation? That this is perfectly normal, it happens to every parent as they raise their kids - this isn't the last time I'm going to be scared out of my wits by something that happens to my children. Encouraging.
If I allow myself to imagine what might have happened....well, the simple fact is that it didn't happen. I can't allow my mind to go there. God was very obviously looking out for my little girl. My prayers, my family's prayers, friend's prayers, and even stranger's prayers were heard by a loving God that, as I said before, loves Brooklyn more than I ever could. I didn't expect to be tested in this area of trusting God with my kids so soon but I'm so glad to say that He can be trusted. The story is a long one, but suffice it to say that real MIRACLES took place today to keep my daughter from harm.
The truth of the matter is, miracles are happening all the time but we don't often see them. On days like today, I suddenly find myself recognizing all the different times in one day that God helps us divert disaster. Certainly, being God of the universe and all, He is worthy of our trust.
Parenting is hard and I believe that it is harder when you begin to have to let go of some of the control. All along, as long as I had Brooklyn under my watch and care, I foolishly believed she was perfectly safe. I didn't trust God at all then. And now that she is going to school I am forced to trust....and sadly, I confess that I am rather unwilling to do so. It all comes down to the simple fact that I think I know better what my child needs than God does. Somehow I think He might have missed a detail, not thought through all that could go wrong...
I think of Peter out there on the water. He could see Jesus walking on the water. He himself had taken a few steps that proved that he could walk on the water as well. He couldn't deny the miracle any more than I can deny that God's hand was on my little girl today. But Peter began to doubt, he began to think about the "what-ifs," he realized that the wind was a little strong (the NKJV calls it a "boisterous" wind), and he began to sink. Jesus stretched out his arm to help Peter and gently rebuked him - "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" The notes in my Bible say that the words "little faith" come from the original Greek word oligopistos or "small faith" that "describes a faith that lacks confidence or trusts too little." We trust...but not enough. We see that boisterous wind and we honestly believe Jesus doesn't see it. We don't necessarily stop trusting Him, we just stop trusting Him completely. We start planning for when the miracle runs out, for the moment when God might not be enough. We start figuring out how we are going to escape what we see as inevitable catastrophe. We know He's capable and all...but we aren't sure He's aware of just how bad things are. I mean, sure He's keeping me above the water but how secure is this miracle, when does it run out? That boisterous wind is going to make the waves even bigger. Has Jesus accounted for that in this miracle?
Trust isn't easy. Ever. But imagine all the fears, heartache, and anxiety related disorders we could avoid if we'd just do it. Yeah, so there's a wind - I'm pretty sure Jesus is aware of that. Safe and secure in His arms we can TRUST that He's thought of everything. Safe and secure in His arms, my daughter is well cared for. And I'm learning to trust in that fact. Completely.
(You can read the full account of Peter's lesson in complete trust in Matthew 14:22-33.)
If I allow myself to imagine what might have happened....well, the simple fact is that it didn't happen. I can't allow my mind to go there. God was very obviously looking out for my little girl. My prayers, my family's prayers, friend's prayers, and even stranger's prayers were heard by a loving God that, as I said before, loves Brooklyn more than I ever could. I didn't expect to be tested in this area of trusting God with my kids so soon but I'm so glad to say that He can be trusted. The story is a long one, but suffice it to say that real MIRACLES took place today to keep my daughter from harm.
The truth of the matter is, miracles are happening all the time but we don't often see them. On days like today, I suddenly find myself recognizing all the different times in one day that God helps us divert disaster. Certainly, being God of the universe and all, He is worthy of our trust.
Parenting is hard and I believe that it is harder when you begin to have to let go of some of the control. All along, as long as I had Brooklyn under my watch and care, I foolishly believed she was perfectly safe. I didn't trust God at all then. And now that she is going to school I am forced to trust....and sadly, I confess that I am rather unwilling to do so. It all comes down to the simple fact that I think I know better what my child needs than God does. Somehow I think He might have missed a detail, not thought through all that could go wrong...
I think of Peter out there on the water. He could see Jesus walking on the water. He himself had taken a few steps that proved that he could walk on the water as well. He couldn't deny the miracle any more than I can deny that God's hand was on my little girl today. But Peter began to doubt, he began to think about the "what-ifs," he realized that the wind was a little strong (the NKJV calls it a "boisterous" wind), and he began to sink. Jesus stretched out his arm to help Peter and gently rebuked him - "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" The notes in my Bible say that the words "little faith" come from the original Greek word oligopistos or "small faith" that "describes a faith that lacks confidence or trusts too little." We trust...but not enough. We see that boisterous wind and we honestly believe Jesus doesn't see it. We don't necessarily stop trusting Him, we just stop trusting Him completely. We start planning for when the miracle runs out, for the moment when God might not be enough. We start figuring out how we are going to escape what we see as inevitable catastrophe. We know He's capable and all...but we aren't sure He's aware of just how bad things are. I mean, sure He's keeping me above the water but how secure is this miracle, when does it run out? That boisterous wind is going to make the waves even bigger. Has Jesus accounted for that in this miracle?
Trust isn't easy. Ever. But imagine all the fears, heartache, and anxiety related disorders we could avoid if we'd just do it. Yeah, so there's a wind - I'm pretty sure Jesus is aware of that. Safe and secure in His arms we can TRUST that He's thought of everything. Safe and secure in His arms, my daughter is well cared for. And I'm learning to trust in that fact. Completely.
(You can read the full account of Peter's lesson in complete trust in Matthew 14:22-33.)
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