Mommy's Difficult Day
This morning Brooklyn began preschool. I have been an emotional wreck!
After several days of prayer and research, Sean and I decided it would be good for Brooklyn if we put her in an Ecuadorian preschool a few days a week. We opted for a Christian preschool run by our church where two other MK's (missionary kids) already attend. There are two teachers - two young ladies that seem very kind and loving towards the children. It isn't a large operation - just two classrooms and a play area. It will be a great opportunity for Brooklyn to play with and get to know Ecuadorian children and it will also help her improve her Spanish skills. I have very little expectations in the area of academics but I feel this is a good thing for my social and active little girl.
All that said, today was hard for this mommy. I would have had a hard time as it was - sending my little girl to school - but Brooklyn made it even harder for me by really pitching a fit about going. She had been there with me before and seen the place and even as we started down the street toward the school she started telling me "No, Mommy, not that school!" She's often overwhelmed by groups of Ecuadorian kids - she doesn't love Sunday school at church or any gathering where Spanish is the language that is spoken. I know she understands some Spanish but not enough to always know what is going on. She was in a daycare with Spanish-speaking teachers our entire year in Costa Rica but the kids were all English speakers so she didn't feel so threatened.
Brooklyn was screaming, crying and wailing by the time we were down the steps to the school building. She wouldn't let go of me and kept begging me to stay. My heart was ripping in two. One half of me knew that she'd be okay and really have a good time once I was gone. I knew it was well worth it and that if I gave in to her fit, I could forget ever sending her to school again. The other side of me was saying that I didn't know for sure that she'd have fun, that someday she'd be in therapy because of this, that I didn't want to leave her behind anyway, that I totally understood how scared she felt. I kept thinking, why must she be pried away from the mommy that loves her most? Somewhat numbly I did pry those little hands off of my thigh. I looked in her watery eyes and said "Mommy loves you so much. And I know you are going to have fun here and that you will make new friends and be very happy that you stayed. I'm going to leave now. I will be back to get you later." The teachers sort of dragged my wailing daughter into the classroom and I made my exit.
I tried to be brave but I fell to pieces as I walked back home. I kept wiping the tears and kept imagining all the things that could happen to my baby while I was away and I almost turned right around and picked her back up. But then God's peace just flooded my soul. I remembered the words that a visiting pastor spoke at church yesterday as he remembered what God told him when his wife was very sick, "Don't forget that before she is yours, she is Mine." God gently reminded me that He loves Brooklyn more than I ever could, that His love is more complete and His love is eternal. I placed my daughter back into the only Hands that can really protect and comfort her. I can't be there to guard every minute and every aspect of my child's life but God can - and He'll always do a better job than I would.
I still suffered all morning long wondering if Brooklyn was okay and doubting the wisdom of sending her to preschool. Sean called and I nearly lost it again. My sweet husband calmly reassured me that this was the right thing. As soon as 11:50 registered on the clock, I was out the door on my way to pick Brooklyn up. I tried to walk the 5 or 6 blocks slowly, knowing that most other moms don't pick their kids up until a little after noon but I just kept catching myself in a near jog! What did I find when I got to the school? A happy Brooklyn polishing off her second plate of rice and meat. As soon as she was done with that she was out the door and climbing up the slide with her new friends. Her teachers assured me that she was fine all morning. I saw the worksheet Brooklyn colored and heard stories of my little girl playing well with the other kids and having a good time. Yup, I knew all along that she'd be just fine....
After several days of prayer and research, Sean and I decided it would be good for Brooklyn if we put her in an Ecuadorian preschool a few days a week. We opted for a Christian preschool run by our church where two other MK's (missionary kids) already attend. There are two teachers - two young ladies that seem very kind and loving towards the children. It isn't a large operation - just two classrooms and a play area. It will be a great opportunity for Brooklyn to play with and get to know Ecuadorian children and it will also help her improve her Spanish skills. I have very little expectations in the area of academics but I feel this is a good thing for my social and active little girl.
All that said, today was hard for this mommy. I would have had a hard time as it was - sending my little girl to school - but Brooklyn made it even harder for me by really pitching a fit about going. She had been there with me before and seen the place and even as we started down the street toward the school she started telling me "No, Mommy, not that school!" She's often overwhelmed by groups of Ecuadorian kids - she doesn't love Sunday school at church or any gathering where Spanish is the language that is spoken. I know she understands some Spanish but not enough to always know what is going on. She was in a daycare with Spanish-speaking teachers our entire year in Costa Rica but the kids were all English speakers so she didn't feel so threatened.
Brooklyn was screaming, crying and wailing by the time we were down the steps to the school building. She wouldn't let go of me and kept begging me to stay. My heart was ripping in two. One half of me knew that she'd be okay and really have a good time once I was gone. I knew it was well worth it and that if I gave in to her fit, I could forget ever sending her to school again. The other side of me was saying that I didn't know for sure that she'd have fun, that someday she'd be in therapy because of this, that I didn't want to leave her behind anyway, that I totally understood how scared she felt. I kept thinking, why must she be pried away from the mommy that loves her most? Somewhat numbly I did pry those little hands off of my thigh. I looked in her watery eyes and said "Mommy loves you so much. And I know you are going to have fun here and that you will make new friends and be very happy that you stayed. I'm going to leave now. I will be back to get you later." The teachers sort of dragged my wailing daughter into the classroom and I made my exit.
I tried to be brave but I fell to pieces as I walked back home. I kept wiping the tears and kept imagining all the things that could happen to my baby while I was away and I almost turned right around and picked her back up. But then God's peace just flooded my soul. I remembered the words that a visiting pastor spoke at church yesterday as he remembered what God told him when his wife was very sick, "Don't forget that before she is yours, she is Mine." God gently reminded me that He loves Brooklyn more than I ever could, that His love is more complete and His love is eternal. I placed my daughter back into the only Hands that can really protect and comfort her. I can't be there to guard every minute and every aspect of my child's life but God can - and He'll always do a better job than I would.
I still suffered all morning long wondering if Brooklyn was okay and doubting the wisdom of sending her to preschool. Sean called and I nearly lost it again. My sweet husband calmly reassured me that this was the right thing. As soon as 11:50 registered on the clock, I was out the door on my way to pick Brooklyn up. I tried to walk the 5 or 6 blocks slowly, knowing that most other moms don't pick their kids up until a little after noon but I just kept catching myself in a near jog! What did I find when I got to the school? A happy Brooklyn polishing off her second plate of rice and meat. As soon as she was done with that she was out the door and climbing up the slide with her new friends. Her teachers assured me that she was fine all morning. I saw the worksheet Brooklyn colored and heard stories of my little girl playing well with the other kids and having a good time. Yup, I knew all along that she'd be just fine....
Oh, my goodness, Becca, you made me cry reading this blog! I could just imagine how you felt through the morning's trauma! I'm so glad Brooklyn liked school, after all! Loving and missing you all, as always, Mom
ReplyDeleteWell, that was heart wrenching! Boo hoo! I'm so glad you survived, and I bet Brooklyn will continue to love school. I'm sure Mom shared about my sad, mommy moment this past week. Isn't just exhausting?! Love you.
ReplyDeleteI am beginning to understand how my Mommy felt...and still feels sometimes. Ooohhh. Yeah, parenting is tough and "Mommy emotions" are truly exhausting! I will never understand how any child grows up to be somewhat normal when most mothers have this intense urge to lock their kids up in a padded room under constant surveillance...
ReplyDelete